The Brexodus

Old Testament reading for the 14th Sunday after Pentecost
(The reading is taken from the Book of Brexodus, chapter 32, beginning to read at the 7th verse)

7 In the 64th year of the reign of Queen Elizabeth 2nd, in the month of June, on the sixth day of the week, Cameron summoned the people and said, “Up! Leave this Union of Europe. You and your children. And your children’s children, should it take that long. I’ll be hitting the shed to write a book. Don’t wait up.”
8 The ERG urged the country to hurry, and leave the Union. “For otherwise,” they said, “the remain MPs will change their minds!”  “And mine’s a pint!” said Nigel Farage. “Today UKIP, tomorrow the Brexit Party, next week the World on WTO terms!” So the people took the result of the referendum upon their shoulders, and vowed to work together despite their differences… Oh sorry, no, that’s a typo.
9 And lo, three main contenders arose, to take the place of Cameron. Each one pledged to let their people go out of the EU. But the first, Leadsom, made an inappropriate comment about a rival’s childless state. And she was spurned, and dropped out of the race.
10 Then another rose up, and said “Look, elect me as leader and we’ll emerge onto sunlit uplands – build a bridge to Calais – millions a week for the NHS – no more project fear – no more sp*ffing money up the wall…”
11 But a third contender rose from his countryside campaign headquarters, standing firm to stab Johnson in the back. The giant fell, rolling to the ground, taking with him Gove. So May, the insulted one, entered unopposed into the throne upon the high place (well, Downing Street, anyway).

Brexodus preparations
12 Three years passed, and the people were united. Union Flags and EU colours lived in harmony and peace, and the land prospered as MPs spoke with care and wisdom to their counterparts in Brussels.  And it came to pass that a deal was agreed and, for the sake of the nation, for certainty and for leaving on time, all remembered their differences no more and backed the deal…  Sorry, no, another typo or two there.
13 The land groaned, and cried out in its anguish, as hatred stalked the streets. To believe in European ideals was seen as blasphemy. To want to leave at all costs, decried as hatred of our fellow man. 
And May rose up before the Commons, and repeated many times the words of the Sage (well, spin-doctor): “Brexit means Brexit!”. Half the people cried out to leave. Half cried out to stay. The other half were shouted down for questioning the statistics.
14 So the LORD’s people cried out, with unceasing voice, for His wisdom for their leaders. And they strove for unity amongst themselves, and with their neighbour – even those who held opposing political views. And the LORD heard the continuous, unified cry of all His people – although many stayed quiet, for fear of being told off for interfering or bringing Religion into Politics.

The prophecy of Yellowhammer
15 Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted

Living in harmony
16 The Will of the People was read throughout the land; and those who contested that some MPs on both sides had changed their tune were shouted down. Those who were Leave, and now Remain – or voted to stay but now said “Go!” – were condemned as traitors. Courts and judges were despised as “political” and facts despised. Previous documented and recorded public comments were denied. And fake news spread like wildfire across the online world.
17 But still the land groaned, the people cried out with two voices, and the heavens themselves wept (it was summer, in Britain, what do you expect?). So May stood down, washing her hands of Agreements and Deals. And Johnson, rising from the pit of his fall upon Gove, stood tall and fought off all competition. He took back control of his party, and – his one-time enemy Gove now seated at his right hand – took the cries of the people to heart.
18 And lo, MPs and people from all sides cheered him in the streets. The opposition saw in him that which was for the good of the nation, and backed him to the hilt. Except Gove, who after last time had been warned off such metaphors. Corbyn, Swinson, Blackford, Bercow and the rest sang with joy as Parliament was prorogued, saying here was one who had united families, brought politicians together, secured the union of the UK and would strike a far better deal. And politicians worked together, in unity, in the Commons, all through the months of September and October to achieve this… Whoops, many, many more typos there I’m afraid…

And here endeth the lesson for today


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